In the immortal words of South Park Elementary guidance counselor Mr. Mackey, “Drugs are bad, mmmm kay.” He might as well have said that tariffs are bad because tariffs and illicit drugs share several key elements. To ensure a healthy body politic, they should be used with caution and in moderation, if at all.
Both tax individuals. Yes, tariffs are taxes. They raise the price-tag of imported goods and their domestically-produced substitutes before you buy them, at which time you likely pay an additional sales tax. Drugs also tax you, though in the more colloquial sense of stressing your mind and body.
Both feed addiction. Tariffs are more addictive than crack cocaine all hopped up on methamphetamine. Or vice versa. Once implemented, high tariffs have proven extremely difficult to reduce because domestic producers get high on them, growing fat and complacent in Uncle Sam’s basement while doing the economic equivalent of wasting their time playing video games and munching on snacks.
Both make people sound dumb. Listening to pro-tariff politicians is like conversing with somebody with a blood alcohol content of about .06. They speak with great confidence but use the wrong words and reason in circles, if at all. Many also sound super paranoid, like they got some bad shrooms or LSD or took too much K.
Both induce smuggling. Illicit drugs essentially have an infinite tariff but tariffs don’t have to be anywhere near that high to give people incentives to smuggle stuff into the country, one way or another. Far from stopping fentanyl from coming into Murica, high tariffs will create new legions of smugglers and smuggling techniques. The so-called War on Drugs will go from unwillable to an outright rout.
Government officials use both to augment their power. But maybe that is what government officials really want, excuses to increase their power. The jackboots might soon kick down your door, not because you are selling or using illicit drugs but because you bought smuggled crap from Temu.
We can rest before tariffs and drug use reach zero. Trying to reach zero percent of anything bad that some people nevertheless want will likely turn into a fool’s errand. Getting back to pre-Trump levels, though, would help, as would improving economic education. “Tariffs are bad, mmmm kay” should be heard, and explained, as frequently as “Drugs are bad.”
